Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
