people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize