no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
