Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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