i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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