I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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