You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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