What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
