oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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