im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My balls are so social today.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
