Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
