I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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