nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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