I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
