I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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