can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
