I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she peed on how many people?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
