just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
