Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
