I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
