summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish I only lived at night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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