Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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