Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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