she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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