Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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