i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
