I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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