Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
