some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize