other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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