I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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