I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
