Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
