he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
