Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The feeling are messing with the penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
