I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
