I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
