True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
