what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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