you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
