They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
