Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
