nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
