Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
