i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
