If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
