Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
