put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
