Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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