She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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