Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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