Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize