Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
