Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
