dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
