Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
