we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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