I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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