Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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