remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
