i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He did a backflip because drugs
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