tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
