My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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