you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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