So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
