you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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