I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
