My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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