either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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