At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
